Thursday, April 10, 2008
Today was definitely the first beautiful day of 2008. I can feel the depression of the prolonged winter starting to fade away. It's about damn time. Only the spring/summer can get make me feel better (what with the being unemployed and unsure about almost everything in my life).
Right before I sat down to write this post (0214 hours on Friday), I spied my parents' Smirnoff Green Apple. It says it's a vodka (of course?) with a touch of green apple. I only know green apple from those lollipops and jolly ranchers. I like it on those items, but oh my god this drink tastes like crap. I thought I was so cool mixing it with orange juice to make a screw driver, but the green apple was too strong. I think if I didn't taste the green apple then that would be the perfect taste. I can't stress enough how crappy this drink tastes. If you're a non-drinker, just trying this will turn you off from any drink. Some people say that beer tastes like crap. I say you just gotta try different beers and build your tolerance. You will find your niche-beer. You can go your working man route or go for your imports-- many choices. But vodka shouldn't taste like crap. That's why I just mixed in another part of orange juice. It actually tastes acceptable, now.
Or maybe I'm just so light weight that I'm feeling a buzz. Hmmm?
I miss being social. I do enjoy my alone time and I don't know any other way, but I do have good times when I'm around "friends" and friends, so in a way, I miss those days. Maybe it had to do with me being employed and having expendable income. But more importantly, I was in contact with more people. Now I'm just a shut in. That's why I'm hoping the summer makes things a little better. It can at least make it feel as if everything is gonna be okay.
It's almost as if I'm just a wandering zombie. I don't feel any highs any more. The lows I was feeling when I first left my job have become so commonplace that I've even become numb to them.
I will never say that I regret quitting/resigning. It has given me some perspective to what I need to do (i.e. get back to work). I at least know that I took a chance at leaving my job and I know how it feels to be at home and unemployed while the rest of the world passes by. I think I can endure the crap I got from work better now. Hopefully, I find a better school and I can grow as a teacher and not let the kids get to me. It's either that or be this bum-zombie I am now.
That's why I think the sun and warmth can help me. Summer in the city is the best. I can get lost in the crowd and just wander and enjoy what the city has to offer.
Whatever. Just needed to vent. I don't regret. I just have to look forward.
And maybe stop being so damn lazy as my parents say. True.
...oh, and American Idol sucked hard tonight. I can't believe Michael Johns is gone. Inconceivable. Everyone else, with the exception of Carly Smithson, pales in comparison. I will definitely be looking forward to Michael's future work.