Monday, December 25, 2006

Heart Rant

Something that's definitely on my mind and the minds of many single American males is the opposite sex. Now I could write a post about ladies in general, but that would be very generic, rather I would like to talk about a situation I've found myself in.

As Lips Like Asukal (LLA) readers may know, I've sort of developed a thing for one of the co-workers in my job. And whoa I did not expect this to happen. I have very very very little experience in dating and women in general, so I've been single for a very long time. Although I've obsessed over one specific girl since 8th grade, I was never confident and assertive enough to make anything happen. Even through college, I never approached any girl that I found attractive.

It's one thing to see someone across a lecture hall and find her cute, but it's another thing to actually become transfixed by someone you see on a daily basis (albeit professionally). It's sad, but I was just fine with being single up until two or three months ago. I mean, I've been single all my life and I was getting used to it. My philosophy was, "I'm fine with being single as long as I don't meet someone that I become attracted to like that girl in 8th grade". Doesn't it make sense? If you go through your daily routine and never meet someone you fall for, (not cute, because you can always find someone you think is cute), it wouldn't bother you. I mean, you can't want someone you've never met.

But then, all of a sudden my plan, as do all my screwed-up plans, goes to the shitter: I meet someone in my job. (Dammit!!!)

It wasn't all of a sudden. My feelings for her gradually grew as I talked to her. I don't have to describe her, maybe because I don't know her as well as I want to, but more because how she is is not the point. Attraction is attraction and cannot be reasoned. I don't know how she feels, but I damn sure know how I feel.

Now obviously, I don't have what people like to call "game". If I do, it's a really bad one. So in order to make up for this lack of game, I have sought the advice of every single person outside of my family. That, unfortunately, included co-workers. I have only told one co-worker, but she's sort of my friend, the rest of the co-workers only have an inkling that I like someone and want advice.

Bad Move. I would have to say 80 percent of the advice is crap and the only thing I've gotten out of my co-workers is playful ridicule. It's fine with me, but I would rather have only a select few people know. Anyway the 20 percent that does make sense I sort of half knew:
  • Take some time to become friends with her first.
  • Do Not ask her out right away!
  • Be Yourself*
The first two rules are brand new. I did not know you should take your time and not ask the girl out right away. No problem for me, I work so slow, the girl in 8th grade probablly still has no idea I like her. (joke). So it's going to take some time, but hopefully I can become friends with her. But how am I going to accomplish that? Well that brings me to rule number 3.

So I knew about the "be yourself" all along, but I was too busy trying to be someone else to remember that I'm most comfortable being who I am. She might be just a friendly person, but she laughed at my jokes and we had good conversations when I was being myself. I don't know why I felt or still feel like I need to change something about who I am. All I need is the confidence to be myself and focus on becoming her friend first. THEN SWOOP IN FOR THE KILL. That's a joke. I'm not going to kill her. I do want to kiss her though.

Most important of all, I need to continue to build up my new (still growing) philosophy: "It's better that you go after what you want and not succeed, than regretting later on because you're not sure of what might happen." It's not very eloquently put, but in essence, I just need to go for it. And by it, I mean build up the friendship and then wait for the right time to gradually spend time outside of work and happy hour, then ask her out.

If I'm reading this all wrong, the worst that can happen is that she rejects me for me and I remain single. Well, not much of a difference in my life so that's nothing new. Although it might be awkward in work. But, like I told my other co-worker who's a guy, "I have to go for it and see what happens".

Why do I feel like I might just revert to my old self and not even try to befriend her and then go for it? :(

1 comment:

Su Ti Ben said...

Feelings that build up over time are the worst. They are hard to ignore that's why.

I never heard about the first two advices before. Not sure if that is the best way though. The last one is what everyone hears of course. I came across this quote some time ago and think it fits here:

"It's kind like this. You go out on a date and try to put out a fake persona for the girl to consume. Why? Because deep down you believe the real you is not worth the bother. Getting together under false pretenses leads to suffering for both parties. So, in a way you "win" this girl with your fakery, but what do you really win? You win a role. You can never be yourself. You must constantly upkeep that fake image, so you can never relax and you must always be on guard. It's like winning a place on death row. It's like winning a disease (lack of ease). Is that really winning?"