10 Questions Science (and Politics and Human Nature . . .) Should Answer First

This post is a direct response to the youtube video of "10 questions every Christian should ask themselves". I suggest you look it up and then read my attempt at a defense for my belief in God.

First, a little background on myself. I am a college educated American who grew up in a devoutly Catholic family. Trust me. My Mom was and still is seriously devout. I happen to still follow certain practices but not everything by a long shot. You may say I was "enlightened" or that I have "strayed" depending on your viewpoint. In college, I studied the sciences, specifically, biology and chemistry. Though I may be really rusty, I believe I have a strong grip on the scientific way the world works (e.g. evolution). Of course, this post is biased, but that's just par for the course. Everyone has their point of view and I will try to defend why I still practice (some) parts of my religion.

Religion (or Catholicism) is NOT a rational belief system. We humans are rational beings but at our current state, we have some understanding of how the world works. People have taken in experiences from their lives and have formed educated guesses as to how previously unknown experiences my work. By trial and error and the empirical method, a lot has become clearer to us. How doe we breathe? What is the air made of? Why is the sky blue? We use science via our senses to understand our surroundings. Then we build upon each new piece of knowledge and still refine other pieces until they fit our experiments or experiences. This is the rational or what others would say is the intelligent aspect of people.

But there is one question that has not been answered: Why are we here? Sure, there are those who will say that we are here because of probability. That after the big bang, all the possible criteria and factors aligned by chance to create the possibility of life. I think that's what they would say is the reason we're here. We are all here by chance. A mathematical anomaly. We got lucky and that's all there is to it.

I do believe it took so many factors for life to occur. That if one minute thing changed in the beginnings of the universe, we may not be here. But this does not satisfy why we are here. We are an accident? Okay, maybe those people could be completely right. But what about before the big bang? What started it? Was it just the big bang? (I must admit. I am sure there is literature out there that addresses my issue with this, but I have not read it and as of this writing, I have not tried looking for it.)

Now, I am not saying that God or the big J-dog himself decided to just make this all happen all of the sudden. This is hardly proof. But I do believe there was a creator, not necessarily a God, but some entity that initiated this whole mess. This being or thing that allowed for all these factors to a come together and allow for life on Earth. It's worth a thought.

So then one might argue that I'm really not a Christian then. Well, if you believe that label doesn't fit me then okay. I just decided that if I'm going to believe that something started all of this, that we are here not by accident, I'm going to believe that a god did this. Oh and that J-dog happened to be his son.

It this area that is not bound by rationale. Religion will always be irrational. That means it is not governed by reason and therefore cannot be subject to questions or experiments. I don't mean for people to follow their religion blindly. No. They should derive some sense of direction if they are struggling to seek meaning in their life. If they can find meaning elsewhere, then that's great for them. Science and religion exists separately but cannot be without each other.

So when someone asks me why won't god heal amputees, I will answer that god falls under religion and religion is not rational. I won't try to explain why he won't do certain things. How do I know? I use science to explain how things work. I'm still trying to use god to figure out why we're here. Am I still a rational being? I think so. I use science to explain the world and I use religion to explain the things that have yet to be explained by science.

Einstein quoted something to that effect, and I am too lazy to look it up. Science will explain how the universe works and I will forever love it for that. Religion does its best to explain why. It can't be as clear and reasonable as Science, but what it lacks in brain power, it makes up for it with hope and love. It's only people who sully both science and religion. It is these few who use science to beget selfish and blind atrocities using religion to justify their evil.

I Remember Her From Fifth Grade

Ah, the train never ceases to amaze me.  I was coming home from class last night and saw someone who I think was my 5th grade classmate's hot sister.  Well, back in the day, before I evan began to pubesce  (wha?), I firmly remember her older sister.  I think those were the first "strong" thoughts of a girl I ever had.  But, my classmate wasn't half bad either.  Actually, now that I think of it, I think my classmate was my first pseudo-crush.  I say pseudo because I really didn't like her I just wanted to get in her pants.  Of course I wasn't thinking those things exactly when I was in 5th grade, but I did feel that way about her.  And wouldn't you know it, I happened to see her on my way home that same night.  She probably didn't recognize me because of my long beautiful (read: ugly) locks, but I recognize her from the way my . . . [edit].  Hell, she probably wouldn't have recognized me even back in the day.  She brings up those evil feelings.  Not the feelings of wanting to date or get to know someone, but those other nice feelings.

Just an interesting thing that happened in my oh so awesome life.  She's probably dating some classmate of mine who's in med school (How did he ever get into medicine?  He was so Guido and Douchy in high school.  Meh, I 'm just jealous).

On another note, I guess attracting women with my huge wallet ain't happening as a teacher.  I'm sure living at home to save will help.  Hopefully that sarcasm translates through.  The living at home part is true though.

Esteban! Donde Estas?

Will I regret getting hooked on the Lost phenomenon?  Though I have only recently jumped on the bandwagon, I am questioning that decision due to a few others falling (or purposely jumping) off.

The main reason I question this devotion is the theory that the Lost guys have no frackin' (Go, Battlestar Galactica!) clue as to what is going on.  Scratch that.  It's not that they don't know; It's more that they are pulling ideas and mysteries out of their collective ass.  I can imagine the Lost's writers room full of guys and gals literally spewing out ideas in a manner that needs medical attention (Hey maybe there's this weird smoke that floats around and sounds like a machine!).  I'm pretty sure if someone randomly used a dictionary to choose any three words, the Lost writers might actually consider and actually be able to insert those "ideas" into the show.  Seriously.  Ghosts and Polar Bears.  How about how Hugo doesn't lose any weight period?

Argh.

I am still a huge fan.  How can I not be, I've only started watching and catching up on Lost last year.  My biggest fear is that after the next final two seasons the show will not have a satisfying conclusion that answers every single little thing Lost.  I really hope the writers do some serious researching about their show's mythology.  I don't want the show to end and some fan picks up some inconsistencies.

In some ways, even as bad as I feel the second season of Heroes was, it at least answered questions without too many other questions.

Score 1 for the Affleck Brothers

It's been a while, but I almost cried watching a movie. That almost-honor goes to Gone Baby Gone. I'm too young to know what it's like to lose a child, but I seriously almost cried watching. I closed my mouth and it felt like someone was gently nudging my eyeballs from inside my head. I felt the stinging sensation around my nose. Really powerful stuff. My kudos goes out to Casey Affleck and especially Ben Affleck. Though everyone else hated Jersey Girl, I think Ben deserves some credit. He is actually quite talented. So, Ben, I can't hate you anymore. Just don't get too smug just cause you made an awesome film. Giving the lead to your brother could have been a bad move, but Casey is also awesome. I just don't know if I ever want to go to Boston, ever; what with this movie and Departed totally killing the mood.

For the rest of the cast: kudos too. There's this one scene with Ed Harris which really got my hair up. So much conviction in his performance. I have to find some movies he's in on Netflix. Mr. Freeman was not utilized too much in this film, which is actually a good thing. Oftentimes, a film floods the scene with stars and detracts from the overall product. Again, pretty good choice in casting Casey. We should see more Casey in movies.

My mom watched Gone Baby Gone before I did. She sort of mentioned in passing how she wished movies had no "Eff this and Eff that" and violence. I guess it was in response to GBG. Well, mom, sorry that this movie was next in my queque, but the real world, which most movies are based on, has F bombs. Still Love ya, but I don't think I'll be renting The Notebook.

I'm starting to think I enjoy movies that deal with the ambiguity of the gray area of morality. Gone Baby Gone has violent moments, but it also is touching. You will almost cry.

Donkeys, Melons, Yogurt, and Mothballs.

Those words were actually said in last night's American Idol episode and were not in fact said by any of the contestants.  Leave it to the three caballeros Randy, Paula, and Simon to make a singing competition into a sitcom.  The judges were so all over the place most especially Paula.  Although I liked how Seacrest noticed how quickly things were getting out of hand and reminded the judges and the audience that the show is about the performers.

But let's review the performances of the top eight girls.  I think I've said it once and I'll say it again this season: "Can we keep all the girls on this week and retire two extra boys?"  All the girls were on top of their game and it's hard to pick one, much less two girls to kick off.  I have said my favorites before, but I'm not so sure Malubay should be safe from elimination.  She picked a lackluster song that has been played out so many times on Idol (and in this household).  It's really upsetting since she has one of the stronger voices.  Plus, it was the 80's.  Have some fun.

I would say Buh'bye Malubay, but I feel she has a strong voting block:  Asians and Short folks.  (Would you look at that?  I fit both categories.)  Someone should smack Ryan for his smack about Malubay's short legs.  I think it's cute that's she's pocket-sized or, in my case, human-sized.

Kristy Lee Cook had a strong performance for her ability.  I enjoyed it and I agree that it could be a hit in the Country genre.  Having said that, she's definitely an underpowered singer compared to the sirens this season.  She should be voted off just based on her ability, but I have a feeling her voting block (red-blooded Americans who like hot blondes) will keep her on.

If I had to bet, I think Kady Malloy will be voted off.  Do I think that's the right choice? No.  She has a strong voice despite her song choices.  Ironically, I think she displayed her powers last night, but again it was a slow song and, in a way, Simon's critique that she has no personality might be true.  She might have had better reviews from the judges if she sang an upbeat song with one or two "big money" notes.  If Kristy or Ramalamadingdong (Can Randy get her Ramamolies name right?) don't get voted off then Kady will take their place.

Who do I want off?  That's tough, but I've been tired of Amanda's voice for the last two weeks.  I definitely thought she had an enjoyable and strong performance last night, but I don't know what else she can do with her voice.  Whenever she sings, it's like I'm hearing the same damn song again.  Sorry.

On the other hand, Brooke White has been one of my other favorites since day one (no R movies, nice girl).  She's also one of the under-powered singers this year, but she did have a good interpretation of a Pat Benatar song last night.  She should stay on for a couple of more weeks until she gets boring.  Sorry too.

Ms. Mercado has a strong voice and deserves to be moved on next week.  Decent performance last night, but predictable as Simon said.  It's unfortunate that her vocals won't just sail her on through, so she definitely needs to spice it up so that the audience doesn't get bored.  She still deserves to be on American Idol.

I enjoyed Asia'h's Whitney Houston performance.  Very upbeat which matches Asia'h's bubbly cheerleader personality.  I'm just surprised I enjoyed something a cheerleader did (I'm looking at you Hayden P.).  Hopefully, she'll be on next week.  She might be in danger because I don't know where her votes come from (cheerleader fans?)

Last but not least (again?), the Irish gal herself, Ms. Carly Smithson.  I'll keep it short and to the point:  Knocked it out of the park.  I would pay see her in concert instead of downloading her stuff illegally.  It's just too bad that all the girls in the world and their moms and their gay friends have already decided that David Archuletta is the American Idol.

I'm not hating. ;)

On the Stanford Line

My iPod is getting old. Lemme explain. Usually my posts on this blog are premeditated. But I have increasingly been really lazy. (I'm not even going to check whether my adverbs were placed correctly in the previous sentence. Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?) So I'm going to go on a nice little rant in hopes of getting inspired into writing a review about tv's Dexter.

Since I've been unemployed and only going to classes part time (Gosh, I still have no real responsibilities), I've been using my iPod alot. You know, It keeps me company while I use public transportation. Well music on my 30 gb 5th generation iPod can get old quickly. While I have been surprised by new music like Vampire Weekend, all my songs are getting old. I like to think I have an eclectic taste, but there's just so much Eisley I can handle. I need to find new music.

So I've tried joining Last.fm, but it hasn't turned out as awesome as I had hoped. It's more of a social networking site that uses music to get people together. I don't know about you, but I don't really like social networking sites (I think I might not even like people?). I just wish that Last.fm would just let me know what's good to listen to. I guess I could always just go rely on good ol' Pandora. At least they showed me all about We Are Scientists. By the way, I cannot frickin' wait for their upcoming album this March. It's sad though that only the Brits get it while us Yanks have to wait (Down with the Queen!). I predict WAS's new album will be for 2008 what Bloc Party's was for 2007.

Quick note: The 80's had the best music. Just pop in Grand Theft Auto Vice City and almost every station just bursts with bubbles of awesome. (K-dizzle, this is for you: "I, I just died in your arms tonight. Must've been some BIOCHEM! I should've walked away.")

Best Idol EVAR Question Mark

Let's talk about the American Idol Top 24 of 2008. I would like to talk about my current favorites for the girls. (For the guys, there's only one I really like and he's an Aussie. There's also another one, but it's too early to tell.) First off, with the exception of that one guy, the girls really have a strong bunch this year. They're all pretty much, well, pretty. That's nice, but can they sang? Most can sing and that's good enough for me.

My first favorite is Brooke White. Ever since I found out she has never seen a rated R movie, I thought 'wow, how interesting'. That in itself should not be the basis of me liking her, but there's something that gravitates me to her. It's probably because she's made of sunshine. Very pretty sunshine. However, I really like her auditions. She can sing really well, but I was not wowed by her first top 24 performance this week. She was still attractive and she sung it well enough, but it does not keep her safe from elimination. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

There's also Ramiele Malubay. I don't think I have to explain why? I'm going to anyway: she's Filipino and she's short. Why do I care that she's short? Well, I'm short and I think I've developed a complex about my height. No, actually I now I have. So it's nice to know there are decent-sized people out there. The fact that she's Filipino makes me proud, but there have been other Pinoys in AI before. It's just that Malubay is way better than any of them. I can actually root for her and not feel ashamed that I'm doing it for her ethnicity, because she can sing too. I'm just hoping that she does not get voted off before she can show her chops.

Nice tidbit: Apparantly, my neighbor's friend's son is Malubay's boyfriend. Gossip that I shouldn't be spreading? Hearsay you say? Maybe. But that sorta makes me famous. And Jealous. More jealous, though. I guess Malubay is just going to have to break his heart when I win her over with my pure awesomeness.

Make up your mind! Brooke or Ramiele! Easy. (Pikachu, I choose you!) Alaina Whitaker, I choose you, but you're only 16 so I choose Kady Malloy instead. I was pleasantly surprised by her performance her vocal ability. I thought she would be your typical good-looking-but-average singer. Turns out her performance was more than above average. Judges didn't like it one bit, but who cares. Malloy did have a killer Britney Spears impersonation, my friends. (Is there anyone else?)

And to round out the really strong (and did I mention pretty?) top 12 girls is Carly Smithson. She did some damage control by telling us that she was signed by a record label when she was younger, but they became defunct before anything good could come from it. What does she have going for her? I believe she has the strongest voice of any of the girls. Plus she's 24 years-old, which makes me happy because if there's another complex I have aside from my height, it's my age. Let's just say, Smithson and I could almost be in the same grade. Almost. Back to her performance. I thought it was strong and almost at the level of 'blowing-houses-down', but I will save those descriptions for future performances when the competition gets real hot.

What have we learned? The girls are pretty and they can sing. I'm gonna call the American Idol producers and ask if they could vote two more guys tomorrow night instead of two girls.

Phat Phantom Beatz (with a Z)

Maybe I was just really sleepy, but I could not fall asleep in my own bed last night.  When I laid down to sleep, I heard this muffled thumping beat.  It wasn't loud enough to wake up my brothers, but it was loud enough to annoy me.  The weird part was I only heard it when I was in my bed.  When I got up to search for the sound it stopped!  I know what a vibrating phone sounds like and it was not that.  Even that would have been better sleep music (like a trapped robot mouse trying to escape a desk drawer).  Nor was it someone blasting "awesome" beats out of their pimped-out auto.  I opened the window to give the owners a piece of my mind, but I didn't hear it.  

Eventually I gave up.  I cursed my bed and took my sheets to the basement.  I ended up sleeping on the uncomfortable couch-- not the nice leather one in the living room (the room has funny shadows).  On the way down I almost fell down the stairs and I'm pretty sure I saw a ghost.  Note to self:  sleep early next time to avoid poltergeists.

It was 4 am when I woke up to go back to my own bed to avoid my aunt from waking up and seeing me on the couch.  I think I dreamed that I was back at work again.  The funny thing is I felt peaceful knowing I was employed, even though I left that hell hole that had been stressing me out ever since.  Maybe being unemployed has made me develop calluses towards teaching.  Hopefully I'll be back on my feet sometime before living at home isn't cute anymore.  Maybe then I can escape these phantom beats.

And dream about not working.

Quick: Lost Heroes Push Daisies

Oh Em Gee.  How good is this 4th (shortened) season of Lost?!  Just finished watching the third episode when it aired tonight.  All I have to say is, I feel bad for people who have not seen Lost from beginning all the way up to now.  I don't think I've spoken much about Lost on Lips Like Asukal, but this third episode of the 4th season has pumped me up.  The first two were great, but wow, the flash forwards elevate this show to another level.

Props to Sayid's character though.  He has to be one of my favorites, and I'm glad they focused on him this episode.  Of course most of the characters in Lost are complex, but having an Iraqi of the former Republican guard deal with getting off the island (via flash backs) adds to his stern nature.  Don't Eff with Sayid.  But then you get to the cliff hanger and, not to spoil anything, but you have to wonder how evil (or Not) is the guy that Sayid works for.

Hooray for the writers coming back.  Supposedly, they're going to pop out 5 more episodes to make the total season four episodes reach a mini-season of 13 episodes.  Whatever.  It's not the 16 episodes originally plan, but hopefully the things that get cut out are just fillers.

In Heroes news, volume 3, which was supposed to be the second half of this season, will be returning this fall instead of this spring.  Surprisingly, I am not upset about it.  I'm still pretty bummed by volume 2.  I feel like they should just kill off annoying cry babies like Claire.

Pushing Daisies won't be back this Spring, but at least it's been picked up for this Fall.  I guess fans can consider this season like mini-pies that Chuck, I believe, mentioned on the show.  I don't know what's sweeter, the show, pies, or Charlotte.  The DVD set, which will be smaller than a full season, should at least come with a free pie.

Ciao for now.

Writer's Guild of America, Deactivate!

Just some thoughts on the impending end of the writers strike:  okay, can we get on with our real lives?  I am 100% in support of unions, but I usually associate them with workers of the middle to working class.  I am pretty sure these writers aren't struggling.  The worst thing that can happen to them is writer's block.  It's actually a little unfair that the writers guild of america gets all this publicity when real unions like the united federation of teachers (workers who matter?) do not get as much support.  Sure I'm a little biased (as a former and future teacher), but in general, I just hope other unions will get the same support as the writers did.  That's just in case I go on strike in the future for a little more cash-- I will have the future of America's youth in my hands.  So pay up.

Go, unions!

As for the writers, well, why do I have to wait for a new Pushing Daisies?  And it's not fair that Lost's story will have to be adjusted.  Couldn't have the studios just waited for next season so that we could have a full season, instead of this 8 episode tease?  The show doesn't even have any reveals anymore.  I can't keep track of all these questions.  Though Pushing Daisies did have a nice cliffhanger, which will have to suffice.

By the way, I heard Kristen Bell will be filming a romantic comedy (ugh) soon.  I guess I'm going to have to suck it up and let the world see me watch one of "those" movies in public. (What can I say that I haven't already said about my VM obsession?  Just don't tell everyone that I'm still in the middle of season 2. ;))

Juno Review

I am so glad I did not see Juno weeks ago when it was the "in" thing to do. It's not because I try hard to go against the grain (trust me, I am more pop and straight edge than most guys). It's mainly because I refused to watch a movie that potentially looked great but was being marketed as a Michael Cera film. Folks, if you think Juno is a Superbad, then you will be extremely disappointed, and rightfully so. Juno is not one of those movies. But since I have been in an extended vacation (i.e. resigned months ago from work), I have begun consuming large amounts of movie mush (that, and also I eat too much ;)).

So I just saw Juno sans the hype (I was bored this Friday night) and I was nicely blown away. I won't herald it as being one of my top favorite movies ever, but it is definitely highly recommended. I must repeat: I am glad that this movie was not like Superbad (though I did love Superbad). Juno is a very character driven movie-- a nice change of pace from your popcorn movies (gotta switch'em up every now and then). I could not predict what was going to happen next because it played slow in the beginning, but I was still very interested in the characters.

I did laugh outloud a couple of times (5 or 6 times?) and I smile alot too. But I was really impressed that Juno got a little serious towards the end (take that, stupid marketing ploys). Hallelujah, the story became juicy. There was some tension all thanks to the great roles of Jason Bateman and Jennifer Gardner. First off, yay for Arrested Development alumni! But I have to say that Bateman and Gardner really stole a part of the movie. I really did feel weird from the relationship that developed between Bateman and Ellen Page (Juno). I am convinced that Bateman can act in a drama. Cool bonus. Also, I never really liked anyting Garner was in. Maybe I just haven't watched enough of her movies, but she played a great weird baby-loving mother-to-be. Really great casting all around. J.K. Simmons and Allison Janney were solid too.

There was actually some meaning in this movie and tugged on some heart strings. (Again, glad that Juno was not the comedy that it was marketed as.)

Enjoy Juno.




Big ups to Cera and Bateman. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that AD movie rumor.

Marlena Diamond

Just saw Cloverfield tonight. I have to say that I really enjoyed it, despite the huge drop in its second week earnings. (It can be expected for movies to drop 40 to 50%, which is pretty bad, but from some accounts, Cloverfield dropped in the 60% range.)

Cloverfield is definitely your popcorn, super-action type of movie, but it's not the glossy over-produced type like Transformers. This is mainly due to the guerrilla style that it's shot in a la Blair Witch. But at the same time it does have great production values. If you combine the effects with the hand held style of shooting, you really feel as if New York is being attacked by some monster. Also, since the first twenty minutes or so of the movie is dedicated to building up the setting and characters, you feel a connection with some of them. While there is very little character development (understandably because it's supposed to be from the point of view of a guy who was filming while in the thick of things), there is enough to enjoy the being with the characters. I liked the character of Hud the most. He was the one filming the action, and he surprisingly provided the comic relief part of the movie.

If you even think about making movies at all, it's so interesting to see how J.J. Abrams fit in the necessary criteria that makes a movie, especially in this documentary style format. Just feeling the flow of things-- it's supposed to be recovered footage, but it thankfully still feels like a movie, or else there would be no movie to enjoy. There are ups and downs, appropriate pauses so that you can take it all in. Sure, you have to suspend your beliefs many times for the sake of enjoying the movie (how long does the battery last?), but it is a science-fiction movie after all. Maybe it's because I analyzed the movie making aspect of Cloverfield, but I really enjoyed the devices employed in this movie. You can see the product tie-ins and, you will see, even the clever way they got to show the back-story of some characters (involves old footage left in the camera while they were taping the current monster problem). It really is impressive to think that the makers of Cloverfield could create a movie that is in hand-held footage and still give you a movie experience. It's pulled off better than The Blair Witch Project (probably not too hard of a feat).

Cloverfield is highly recommended for fans who love going to the movies. I can't believe it has made me excited for Star Trek (J.J. Abrams next project). J.J. and Cloverfield is that good.

By the way, since this is Lips Like Asukal, I have to talk about a girl. While Cloverfield has no big-name stars (although I do know two actors, one of whom is from my sadly-cancelled The Black Donnellys), I have to mention Lizzy Caplan. You may know her from Mean Girls as Lohan's friend who was friends with that gay dude. Lizzy looks really good in Cloverfield. It would not be fair to call her an almost crush of mine, because I've always found her attractive even back in Mean Girls (when she was supposed to be the "ugly" friend). She also plays a sarcastic girl in Cloverfield, probably ups her hotness in it.

Love those eyes.

Date Material

I know readers may think I may possibly be a chauvinist because of all the rebel yells of "she could get it!", but in reality I'm really the antithesis. Do not get me wrong. Some people can attest that I am a fully red-blooded American male. So it makes sense when I tell you that I do like to indulge in proclamations about the current cutie in my mind. Maybe in the future I will refrain from getting too racy (I don't think I have been too bad though).

But this post is dedicated to one of the most attractive girls I've seen in a while: Kristen Bell. I'm too lazy to see if I've excessively carried on about her in other posts, but I think I have spoken about her in some length. Of course you may know that I am a huge fan of the tv show Veronica Mars of which Bell is known for. It's possible that I may just be attracted to the character she plays (Veronica Mars), but there are photographs of Kristen that show that she may have some of that sass that Mars has. I'd like to say she's cute like a button but how asexual can you get? But that's not to say that when I see pictures of Kristen Bell that I immediately devolve into having carnal fantasies. Actually I probably never had an impure thought about her (Sorry to the straight male population). There are few girls in show biz that I would consider being date-able, but Bell is one of them (Even off the top of my head I can't think of the other girls I would put on that list, which is saying something).

Anyway that's my rant on Kristen Bell. This post was mostly a product of me surfing a questionable gossip site that showed that particular photograph of Ms. Bell (with the scarf/hat). I wonder if someone could put their two cents and tell me whether they think she has make-up on in this photograph? She probably does and it's just put on very well. These type of candid photographs are much better gauge of cuteness than those fake photoshopped (pixelmated) pictures of people. Yeah I think she looks really good. Plus, me being a short guy, it's not a bad thing that she's short as well.

My only wish is that my image of her doesn't get shattered. I hope she doesn't go all Hollywood and become tabloid fodder.






C'mon, camouflage has never looked this cute.

Take This Sinking Boat

If someone recommended a movie but told you that 60% of the movie was music and the movie part of the movie constituted the minority, would you have even given the movie a second thought? I'm glad that I usually don't get any movie recommendations so no one scared me away from Once. Yes, this is a musical, but the music is intertwined with the movie so much so that there would be no movie without the music. Once is about a heart-broken man who meets a woman and, by chance, she motivates him to work on his music. They develop a chemistry, but he's still getting over an ex while the girl has a husband. The music in this movie is intertwined in a manner atypical of musicals in that the music does not interrupt the story. The music and the story are they same beast and grow together. Nobody breaks into song in front of the audience. It's difficult to illustrate, but the music adds tremendously to the story. Had I heard the music somewhere else, I don't think I would have loved it as much as when I heard it in the movie. And I don't think the story would have been as good without the music. The guy and the girl compose the music together and you can see their relationship develop at the same time. I'm also a sucker for love stories where not everyone gets what they want but they are still optimistic about life and move on. So there is a story to this movie.

The people who play the guy and the girl are very talented. They are not actors, but they are acting and you wouldn't know it. They are even better musicians. I'm a little inspired to continue working on the guitar again. There is one thing though: you may not enjoy this movie as much if you are not into "rock" music. Other than that, I highly recommend Once. Both the story and the sound will move parts of your emotion unexpectedly. Hopefully you will remember the story and love its music even after the credits roll.

Summer, I Will Buy You a Garden

Last night was the first of the two part premiere of The Sarah Connor Chronicles, which is a new television series based on the Terminator movies. Before anyone says, "Oh, but the third movie was horrible and they're also making a fourth", people must understand that the producers of Chronicles are basically resetting the Terminator time line and pretending as if the third movie never happened. That should ease the disdain of many Terminator fans.

Now I do not confess to be a Terminator fanatic, but I did enjoy the second movie at least the parts I remembered. But, with the writer strike screwing up the television schedule (no new episodes of any fall shows and no 24 !) I needed a show to attach to. Enter The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Let me just say, so far, from the first episode, I can get used to the series. I can not promise I will stick with it, but the Terminator story line was always a strong one: robots take over the future and kill off most of humanity, but the robot from the future comes to the past to protect the savior of mankind. So you see, there is some time traveling involved that even comes to play in the first episode.

The acting does not scream awesome to me as the acting in Lost does, but can I say something? What is up with television and hot, relatively young mothers. I don't mean mothers in the slang sense (yo, mothahuggaz) but in the birth-giving sense. Sarah Connor, the mother of John, is good-looking. And if you like pretty people, you have to see my renewed favorite: Cameron, the new terminator, played by Firefly's Summer Glau. Oh, how I miss Firefly. However, I am a little upset that Summer has to play another not so human role. I guess it gives her an excuse to look hot and expressionless, but I can see myself getting tired of that face soon if she doesn't become a human-acting robot. Or is it the other way around?

Just as a tangent, my perverse geek side is thinking about steamy robot to human loving. Hey, if Battlestar Galactica can get away with it, why not robots from the future. Plus she's Summer Glau, the all powerful River Tam.

One thing I hope for that's not too perverse is that the series focuses on story a little more than the action. Whereas Heroes this season had a horrible story and almost no action (where's the teleport battle!), Chronicles' first episode pretty much had the robots destroy everything and everywhere. Good action, but it can get old. They have good material to work with, what with the future robots, the resistance, and skynet's creation. I can envision the lore of science-fiction combined with the intense pace of 24, but without any terrorists and a little less explosions.

The Sarah Connor Chronicles, with a little more tweaking, can be a promising scripted show in what is to be a spring season deluged in crappy reality a.k.a. crapality shows (ya, fired).

Plus, Summer Glau is the bomb, not just because she's gorgeous, but because people need to represent for the Firefly Alumni.

Movie Was Almost Legend

In many ways, I was pleasantly surprised by I am Legend. Had I seen this movie the weekend it was released in December, I am sure that my review of it would be much more glowing. But, since I waited for a slow January Saturday afternoon, I believe I saw Legend with eyes that were clear from the hype.

One thing you should know about me is that I am a huge fan of blockbusters. I think the best movie season is during the summer time. But these huge type of movies can also be found during the holiday season, and I am Legend is one of those movies. Loosely based on a novel by Richard Matheson, Legend is about the last man on earth who survives a viral outbreak because he is immune. Everyone else who is infected have become zombie-like creatures who can only come out at night because their skin cannot stand the sun. The last man, Robert Neville, was in a way responsible for the outbreak and has to find a cure while he is still alive.

I say that I was pleasantly surprised because, though I love blockbuster movies, the hype of these type of movies is what usually draws people to them. Since I saw this after most of the hype and marketing has died down, I realized that Legend might just be a special FX-fest that lacks any story. Plus the original source material (the novel) is probably way better. (Note: I plan on reading this book.) But as I watched this movie, the part of me that enjoys suspense and zombie movies had a ball. Legend has some genuinely suspenseful moments-- the type of moments where the whole theater is quiet as Neville sneaks around the zombies. So this was a good thing. Plus, if you're a little squeamish of scenes of utter gore and violence, be not afraid: this movie is almost totally bloodless. I think the only blood I remember seeing was from Neville taking blood in a laboratory.

I must say, though, that Will Smith was in top form for I am Legend. This is a big deal for me because, since I've never seen him in Ali or the Pursuit of Happyness, this was the first time I really felt true emotion from him. Usually he's playing the tough and funny role in a movie, but this time he played the emotionally and physically isolated human. I really felt that he was all alone and his suffering through his lack of human contact. By the way, Will Smith is diesel.

If there is one fault with this movie, and it's a pretty significant problem, it's that towards the end of this movie, the main character's motivation and emotion changes. I will not spoil anything for you. But the movie was rushed towards the end. It's probably understandable since the ending was changed very close to the release of this movie. I guess the first ending didn't agree with fans in the screenings. I would love to see this alternative ending and maybe it may make this movie even better.

Of course this movie was better than Spiderman 3 (horrible) but it's not quite in the caliber of Spiderman 2 or Batman Begins. Cannot wait for Iron Man or The Dark Knight. Ooo Wee!

Feels Like Summer All The Time

I just got back a couple of days ago from a family vacation to Orlando, Florida. We went there for the holidays to take in all the theme parks. Let me just say that I was not excited at first because I am a creature of habit and ritual. I like my Christmas served cold and in New York, so summer weather in Florida weirded me out.

Also, this was not just a family vacation in the dog days of December, but it was a vacation with a huge family: I got to see my cousins, aunts, uncles for a whole week. I love my family, but like most people's families, they're dysfunctional. I did not think I could survive a week in the hot December sun with clashing personalities. We're all family so you have to put up with shit just like they have to put up with yours. Don't get me wrong though, there are always good times to be had when you meet up with family, but being in a new setting during a landmark holiday adds some tension.

I realize now that I cannot live in warm weather areas because I enjoy the change in the seasons. I want my turkey to have orange and red and yellow leaves just as much as I want my Christmases immaculate (though, I can't remember the last time it snowed on December 25th).

And Oh how stressful this Christmas day was. I started off the day in the bad mood (I think I started out each day I was in Florida in a bad mood). Since the whole family was together, Mom wanted everyone to wear red for the day. Fine I could deal with that except I did not bring anything red on vacation. Oh wait, I did but it wasn't "red" enough (maroon?). So I was forced to wear this bright-ass shirt that did not fit me well. Merry Christmas!

Then we thought we could get into the Magic Kingdom at Disney. We waited in traffic for an hour (should've took 20 minutes) only to be turned away at the entrance because the park had reached capacity. So you're telling me that 1 o'clock in the afternoon on Christmas, Magic Kingdom would be full? No, way? Surely Floridians would find other ways to find a festive place to celebrate? Oh wait, this is Florida. And we were tourists who wake up late and take hours in the bathroom to get ready (that's my fault though). Merry Christmas!

Yay! So instead of celebating Christmas in New York, we're going to cram our asses into Universal Studios. It's festive enough right? Shrek 4-D and Twister and Jaws. Merry Christmas!

Of course I had to have a drink. One Marguerita, please.

It's 4 a.m. I must be lonely

Lost is coming back. When it does, it will be the first time I would be watching it on television. You see, I crammed all three seasons a couple of months ago (in the span of a couple of weeks, right before the start of the school season).

So basically, I'm a lost newbie. A lewbie. A losbie?

Oh why, oh why do I keep getting new shows to get addicted to? Don't I have a life? (Nobody answer that. Literally, no one reads this so no one CAN answer that.)

But I do want to say that I am glad I was able to finally get hooked on to Lost. I will admit. I was hater-ating all the Losties who loved Lost. I refused to jump on the band wagon mainly because I think I feel like I have to be the rebel (I have never seen Survivor. But that's reality crap-a-vision. I Love New York is a classy piece of realicrap). So I will apologize to Lost Nation: "I am sorry for being a hater. Now I really, really, really love Lost. Seriously".

See exhibit A: I love Heroes. I started watching Heroes right away when it first aired. I got all my family and friends hooked immediately. But after the debacle that was volume 2 (my hate for volume 2 deserves it's own blog), Heroes has dropped significantly on my awesome list. Lost has usurped the throne Honestly, even if Heroes didn't drop so badly this season, Lost would still have taken its rightful place. The acting and the writing is top notch. None of that fake-cheerleader-bullshit-love-trangle-japanese-feudal-time-cry-black-tears-shit.

For God's sake, they wasted Ms. Veronica Mars' talents. Now I have to write a letter to Kristen Bell apologizing for those Heroes writers' sorry-ass attempt at writing.

Is there anyway I can get Hiro traded for Lost's Charlie. I mean Hiro has no clue how to use his powers (lame) while Charlie was from drive-shaft. I'm sad now.






And, oh she can. She definitely can.

Let's Blame Video Games, Shall We?

So two 16 and 17 year-old teenagers are accused of killing a 7 year-old girl, who was one of the killer's sister. The police report claims that the two teenagers used "mortal kombat" moves to beat the girl. She fractured her bones, internal bleeding, and brain swelling.

Now it is pretty sad and stupid that two people could do such a thing. They were supposed to be babysitting the girl. Let's end that story there.

But no. Someone had to be fancy and blame it on Mortal Kombat. Now this would have been marginally relevant in, oh, say 1994-- when Mortal Kombat was the provocative game everyone blamed. Has anyone who was not a gamer even played this game? How can they differentiate the Mortal Kombat style moves compared to any old fighting moves. I'm sure the little girl was found frozen in ice a la sub-zero with a ninja spear attached to her.

We should never blame any type of media. In fact, if you blame video games for this, you should blame E! entertainment for glamorizing the Lohan's, Spears' and Kardashian's way of life: act like a teenager when you have children to take care of (yes, I'm looking at you Mrs. Lohan). Violence is violence. Video Games did not invent senseless killing. If you think about it all killing can be deemed senseless. So people shut-up and stop pretending that everything is okay because you THINK you know that video games is the cause instead of your sorry parenting skills.


I hope to God that these two killers were so fuckin' high out of their minds. I hope they thought they were protecting the world from a 4-foot tall alien that resembled one of their sisters. If they weren't reason impaired, I'd have to say I just lost all hope for humanity.

I think I'd rather be a robot and become friends with my 5 th generation iPod.

Yeah. She Could.

Gossip Girl.  Show on the CW here in New York.  Mostly for teens.  Well, okay, only for tweens and teens.  Mostly beautiful and rich people with problems that real people don't get.  But, hey, it's television.  My guilty pleasure this show.

One last thing:  Is it wrong that I think the most attractive person on that show full of young hot girls is the mother?  The "mother".  Yeah, you know who I'm talking about.

And Yeah.  She could definitely get you know what.

Get it.  She could definitely get it.

And Then The Hiro Should Die. Please.

So last Monday (November 26) on Heroes, we are left with Hiro and Peter in a showdown. I can't help but compare this with the showdown that should have been in the season one finale: Sylar versus Peter. I am hoping against all hopes that this showdown makes up for even a fraction of what the past showdown should have been. I don't want to see Hiro charge Peter and end up being teleported to some other stupid-ass by-gone era (I am never going to forgive Heroes for that Feudal Japan era that Hiro was "stuck" in).

I hope the fight lasts up until the next commercial break and I've choreographed what should go down because I still stand by my theory that the reason why there was no showdown on the finale was that Heroes does not have a choreographer. I'm almost positive the actors were given an outline of what the fights should be like and therefore there were no fights. These people are actors not stunt ninjas.

Here's how it the showdown should go down (hehe). As we see Hiro charge maniacally towards Peter, Peter shoots a lightning bolt towards Hiro, but Hiro teleports instantly to dodge it. Then he immediately reappers right behind Peter. Peter, in slow motion, realizes this and "relearns" how to teleport so he teleports just as Hiro is swinging down with his blade. This leads the two to do a semi-teleporting, speed-fighting battle a la dragon-ball z or any other anime. One guy swings with a blade and the other mainly uses lighting bolts.

Just to satisfy the fans, Peter should throw in a mixture of other powers like flying and regeneration. Basically, Peter should look like what he should have looked like when fighting Sylar: balls-to-the-wall ballistic (by the way, he would have totally kicked Sylar's ass).

As the two are getting into it, they will of course be having a conversation. I would like it to "end" with Hiro getting stabbed semi-fatally (Oh, no! Is Hiro dead? God, I hope so. He deserves it for being a giant douche in ancient Japan. Have I told you how much I hated that story line?). But the conversation Peter and Hiro had should open Peter's eyes to Adam's intentions and since Hiro got stabbed/killed/victoried the frozen time should resume and Adam and Peter come face to face.

Anyway, I couldn't care less what happens next because all the writers are on strike, but I think the Heroes writers should be stricken from their duties because this Season has been horrible (What was the point of Maya's brother and how blind can she be. They also wasted Veronica Mar's* talents!)



*Yes, I know she's Kristen Bell. But I have to represent for the VM fans out there.

Super Mario Galaxy is a Very Good Game

As a self-proclaimed Nintendo nerd, my relationship with the Wii has been a rocky one. We've had our ups and downs. I mean, c'mon, the system is basically a mini-game machine except for a handful of real games. And one of those real games is Super Mario Galaxy.

Now as of this writing I am taking my sweet time through the game and am around 40 stars or so. I've looked at reviews for the game and at one point the average review of SMG rated it as the number game in the world. Blasphemy! The bestest game ever is of course The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. But that does not mean Galaxy is a slouch. It's just not the best game ever nor even the best Mario game. However, it is an improvement over Mario's previous outing : Super Mario Sunshine.

Super Mario Galaxy is more about platforming than Sunshine ever was, and that is what makes a mario game a mario game: when there's jumping on platforms. In sunshine, there was too much talking and spraying with the water pack. I hate water in my games. It's never fun to swim in a video game, just ask anyone. Galaxy is more like those weird pipe levels in Sunshine. Those are the levels that make absolutely no sense physically (moving platforms in the middle of space?) but that's why they made Galaxy so fun. I don't need a reason or backstory to jump around in a mario game. Just tell me where to get the star/shine/mushroom/flag/princess and show me the moving/tricky/falling platforms and I'm good to go.


Galaxy is not without its faults, though. It is a little too easy. In some levels, I barely knew what I was doing and beat them in under 5 minutes. Maybe if the levels got progressively harder the easy levels would be justified, but they haven't seem to increase (Yet). I'll let you guys know if I get into trouble later on.

My most favorite part of the game, though is the gravity "physics". The Wii is not a very powerful system so I doubt that the physics engine in the game is very intricate, but it's just so damn fun to orbit a tiny planet/platfrom and see how many times you can go around it. Sometimes, instead of going for the stars I just spend 20 minutes jumping around a small sphere in space to break my record of revolutions.

Super Mario Galaxy is ultimately a very good game. It's brought back my faith in the Mario franchise. I just hope other developers see that the Wii is more than just a party box and put more time to create games like SMG.

I'd Kick Your Ass But Your Armor From God is Preventing Me

For some reason, off the top of my head, I can't recall what games like Final Fantasy Tactics and Tactics Ogre are called (probably have a "tactics" in it). It's sort of a weird time to be a gamer. While I do have the expendable income because of my job (and not paying rent might helps), I find that I like to spend my money on other things like clothing and DVDs. The clothing comes from the fact that I have to look decent for work (respect?) and also as the season changes it might be a good idea to change a little. The DVDs come from the fact that I have recently become a NetFlix member and with all the TV shows that I'm watching it helps to get the box sets when they come out (Ugly Betty and Heroes ahem).

Anyway, I'm not very good with my money (I need to grow up), so I have to wisely chose what games to buy. Tuesday marks the arrival of Metroid Prime 3 for the Wii, and I'm definitely getting it I just don't know when. But I'll post a half-assed review once I get it and play around with it.

In the meanwhile, my busted up PSP currently has the RPG Jeanne D'arc. Now I really enjoy Strategy RPGs. These are RPGs that have your characters line up on a gridded battlefield and you take turns moving your characters against the opponent. The really good SRPGs have you think alot before you even begin a battle and allow you to micromanage skills and weapons. I'm probably, at most, 8 hours into this game, and so far it's adequate.

The story is horrible mainly because it takes liberties with the real history of Joan of Arc. What bothers me is that I cannot feel for the main character: she starts off as a nice girl and then all of a sudden gets bloodlust after her whole village is destroyed. She doesn't even respectfully seek justice, she's just gungho about wanting to kill the enemy. She's so lucky she has special armor from God or else her ass would be wasted. Also, so far, there's not much in terms of micromanaging. All the ingredients are there: weapons, skills, and magic. But so far, only one character is getting juiced up and that's Jeanne, the main character. My other 10 characters are just variations of people with swords, lances, and axes. I mean, c'mon, I only have one person who can even be remotely considered as a magician/mage and she can only cast a healing spell and fireball. In fact she's the second most powerful right now since she's been getting so much experience from healing my party.

Maybe I'm not far enough into the game? Well, at least it kills time. The enjoyable aspect is that certain characters have armlets that let them transform into "super" forms that have better stats and abilities. These super form can only be achieved by some characters. The great thing is that these forms are really powerful. For example, if you kill an enemy while in this form, you get something called "godspeed" and are able to move that character again. If you time them correctly, you can kill many characters in one turn.

So I'll be playing this game here and there, but I'm definitely waiting for more advance SRPGs like the remake of Final Fantasy Tactics for the PSP or even its sequel for the Nintendo DS.

It Tastes Like Pie and It's Good

First off let me start off by saying that many of the shows I'm into get canceled. I don't know what it is, but I just have that magic touch. And it's not because they're bad shows-- they're usually critical darlings but are never given the chance to develop an audience (except for The Black Donnellys which I don't think anyone thought was a good show except for me. It must've been the whole scenario of brothers sticking together that got me. Plus it's the Irish!)

Well I just finished watching the pre-air pilot for Pushing Daisies (ABC, Wednesdays). I acquired the pilot through the interweb, and it was well worth it. I heard good things about the pilot so I just had to see for myself (I tend to follow fads and I heard there was an underground support for this upcoming show-- well maybe not so underground).

Premise: A guy can bring things back to life with one touch and kill them with another. Do I need to say more? Well it's a comedy/drama or a dramedy, and the scenario just lends itself to great situations. It's also shot in fairy tale style with voice overs narrating the story playfully. Imagine an old grandpa character reading you a bedtime story when you're 9 years old. Very sweet and comfy! The show looks like a Tim Burton movie like Edward Scissor-hands or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Combine Story-book telling storytelling with the aesthetics of a Tim Burton movie and you've got the second best reason to watch ABC this fall (Lost is on for midseason, and Ugly Betty gets a close third/second?). I couldn't stop watching and I really like the characters. I even laughed out loud from a show that's not solely a comedy.

Another reason I like this show so far is the lead character. The protagonist has a fear of opening up to other people (understandbly because of his touching power) and he has pined and dreamed of his childhood crush all his life. I think I can relate. Just watch the pilot to see what happens.

If anything else, you owe it to yourself to check out the first episode this October 3rd and decide for yourself. It's sweet (I literally can taste it and it tastes like strawberry-bananas and it's guuud.

Bittorent!

Quick Thought

In an effort to put more content or ANY content on this blog, I'm going to start putting quick posts once in a while to capture the moment. I have to come up with a name for these quick posts, but "Quick Thought" will suffice for now (I'll accept any recommendations).

For my first QT, it's going to be really quick and irrelevant, but for some reason, my punctuation does not show up on my posts. Sure I have horrible punctuation in general, but not double spacing after periods is not one of them. It just does not show up!

Also, I really should add some widgets to this blog. I think the best thing about this blog, besides the posts (hehe) is the title. I'm so proud that I came up with this title. I'm going to have to ask Sutiben to hook this motha' up. Plus if I get a mac or whatnot, I want to go all the way and make things look purty as he says.

End Thought.

Note-To-Self: Talk about my Wii in the next real post.

Column A and Column B

*cough* *cough*

That's me coughing because of all the dust that this blog has accumulated. Time to dust it off. (Oh, yeah, by the way, I hate using those asterisks to pretend I'm coughing-- it's my first time so I hope no one gets used to it)

Time to stay focused for this post.

Anyway, I'm in the market for a new laptop. I have two options in mind: the macbook (drool...) or your omnipresent windows notebooks. I'm having a tough time figuring out what to pick. On the one hand macbooks (drool...) is oh so sexy, but then you have the familiar notebooks which you feel "safe" with because you've been with forever.

What do I need a lappy for? Nothing really, I just want to have something to kill time with and surf the web and possibly do multimedia work if I'm ever motivated. I could possibly make videos and join this youtube craze. I heard peeps get discovered on the interweb so I might try my hand at being the next Spielberg (I'm not cool enough to know any other directors off the top of my-- Scorcese, meh).

I'm also a gamer, but more of a console gamer since I'm not too good with computers and PCs are expensive. Since I'm not so good with computers maybe a mac will be best since I heard it' more reliable and does not need much tweeking out of the box. Less maintenance too. But it's also uber expensive. While I am a balla/baller I'm having second thought on spending it on a macbook.

But I'm also a little swayed by aesthetics and the fact that Veronica Mars used a powerbook is a plus (Don't know VMars? Tsk tsk. Typical human hehe).

Anyway, if I do get a macbook, I may have to wait for October when OSX Lepoard comes out. If I'm impatient and want more bang for my buck I may settle for the familiar notebook which I'll just tweak like hell and ask Ol' Sutiben for help (hehe shoutout to S- dog).

Laters.

NBC blows.

I'll make this short, but not so sweet. I watch a fair amount of television. In just the same way the sitcom is dying, the great dramas are dying too. Rather, they're being prematurely killed off and replaced by unfunny reality tv bullshit.

I'm speaking specifically of the tragic cancellation of The Black Donnellys on NBC (By the way, go download it on that stupid network's website or iTunes).

It had amazing characters that I really got attached to. It's a show about family and responsibility. There is no good or bad, but a grey area of morality in the show. The main character struggles to remain law-abiding but he has to support his brothers at the same time. On top of that, he has a childhood love that he can't be with because of the shady things that he's involved with. You really root for him. I root for him and I've always thought there was a clear cut good guy that you could root for in shows: he's not clear cut good because of his actions, but he has good intentions.

Bottom line, in just the same way Arrested Development was cancelled and bummed me out, the cancellation of The Black Donnellys bums me. It bums me out a little more because I thought NBC had some sort of class compared to Fox who gave Pam Anderson her own show and still has War at Home on the air.

If it weren't for Heroes . . .

Heart Rant

Something that's definitely on my mind and the minds of many single American males is the opposite sex. Now I could write a post about ladies in general, but that would be very generic, rather I would like to talk about a situation I've found myself in.

As Lips Like Asukal (LLA) readers may know, I've sort of developed a thing for one of the co-workers in my job. And whoa I did not expect this to happen. I have very very very little experience in dating and women in general, so I've been single for a very long time. Although I've obsessed over one specific girl since 8th grade, I was never confident and assertive enough to make anything happen. Even through college, I never approached any girl that I found attractive.

It's one thing to see someone across a lecture hall and find her cute, but it's another thing to actually become transfixed by someone you see on a daily basis (albeit professionally). It's sad, but I was just fine with being single up until two or three months ago. I mean, I've been single all my life and I was getting used to it. My philosophy was, "I'm fine with being single as long as I don't meet someone that I become attracted to like that girl in 8th grade". Doesn't it make sense? If you go through your daily routine and never meet someone you fall for, (not cute, because you can always find someone you think is cute), it wouldn't bother you. I mean, you can't want someone you've never met.

But then, all of a sudden my plan, as do all my screwed-up plans, goes to the shitter: I meet someone in my job. (Dammit!!!)

It wasn't all of a sudden. My feelings for her gradually grew as I talked to her. I don't have to describe her, maybe because I don't know her as well as I want to, but more because how she is is not the point. Attraction is attraction and cannot be reasoned. I don't know how she feels, but I damn sure know how I feel.

Now obviously, I don't have what people like to call "game". If I do, it's a really bad one. So in order to make up for this lack of game, I have sought the advice of every single person outside of my family. That, unfortunately, included co-workers. I have only told one co-worker, but she's sort of my friend, the rest of the co-workers only have an inkling that I like someone and want advice.

Bad Move. I would have to say 80 percent of the advice is crap and the only thing I've gotten out of my co-workers is playful ridicule. It's fine with me, but I would rather have only a select few people know. Anyway the 20 percent that does make sense I sort of half knew:

• Take some time to become friends with her first.
• Do Not ask her out right away!
  
• Be Yourself*

The first two rules are brand new. I did not know you should take your time and not ask the girl out right away. No problem for me, I work so slow, the girl in 8th grade probablly still has no idea I like her. (joke). So it's going to take some time, but hopefully I can become friends with her. But how am I going to accomplish that? Well that brings me to rule number 3.

So I knew about the "be yourself" all along, but I was too busy trying to be someone else to remember that I'm most comfortable being who I am. She might be just a friendly person, but she laughed at my jokes and we had good conversations when I was being myself. I don't know why I felt or still feel like I need to change something about who I am. All I need is the confidence to be myself and focus on becoming her friend first. THEN SWOOP IN FOR THE KILL. That's a joke. I'm not going to kill her. I do want to kiss her though.

Most important of all, I need to continue to build up my new (still growing) philosophy: "It's better that you go after what you want and not succeed, than regretting later on because you're not sure of what might happen." It's not very eloquently put, but in essence, I just need to go for it. And by it, I mean build up the friendship and then wait for the right time to gradually spend time outside of work and happy hour, then ask her out.

If I'm reading this all wrong, the worst that can happen is that she rejects me for me and I remain single. Well, not much of a difference in my life so that's nothing new. Although it might be awkward in work. But, like I told my other co-worker who's a guy, "I have to go for it and see what happens".

Why do I feel like I might just revert to my old self and not even try to befriend her and then go for it? :(

Stunted

It hit me today: I'm still the same shy and naive boy. Here, I thought I was growing up. I was socializing with people, having decent times, having the casual drinks, working a job. I should've known I couldn't just put on a face and pretend that four years of high school, four years of college never happened. I wanted to pretend that that was all just a bump in the road to being an acceptable human in the eyes of anyone and everyone. Well, that was all shot down in the blink of an eye after work in an innocent conversation with my peers.

But first, let me build up the situation. If you know me in anyway, the "real" me, then you already know that I'm not the most experienced person in the world. I've never gone clubbing, never partied, and I only had my first drink this summer. It never really bothered me until I got out of college and into the real world. I have had to adapt, and I guess that's the bad part. I want so much to do "normal" things and experience life with people. I want to laugh and have fun.

Well, I thought I was headed on that path these past few weeks or months. In my job, which is how I have most of my human interaction outside of my family, I've developed friendly relationships with many of the new teachers ( by the way, I'm a teacher). I actually was comfortable around these individuals and was able to joke around and carry conversations. You might think that that's a trivial accomplishment. However, I have always struggled with small talk and socializing. I consider the fact that the new teachers and I are on a level where we can kid with each other, a monumental feat. See, just to carry a conversation and laugh and make people laugh and not even have to think about what to say next is a dream to me. Sure, I may have done this before I hit puberty, but afterwards, not so much.

In these past few weeks, I loved how I could talk about anything, joke around, have friendly banter, and even exchange phone numbers for purposes outside of the workspace. I can enjoy happy hour with these teachers and feel human and personal. It's sad that I see myself in this light. It's sad that I need to be a little tipsy to be more open. But, that feeling is so lacking in my life, that having it made me realize the stark contrast of how I've been living my life before these experiences. Humans are social animals.

Then, today a conversation developed that I could not partake in. It was after school, the end of the work day, but three other new teachers (two girls and one guy) and I were working on lesson plans. Now, I told you how friendly all the teachers are, so if you picture any jovial situation with conversation topics all abound, that is what the meeting looked like. We were working, but we also were socializing. What could possibly wake me up from dream-like past couple of weeks? I could be reminded of my inexperince in life, and I truly and deeply emphasize and quote a special type of "inexperience".

The topic was abortions, but the "inexperience" comes from what physical activity leads to babies. Before that topic came up, we were all taking turns making jokes as we figured out what homework to give for tomorrow's lesson. A joke here, a joke there. A laugh here, a friendly roll of one's eyes there. An okay time. But what could I say when that "topic" comes up in which I have a profound "inexperience" with? Could I fake it? No. That would spell the worst disaster and I was at least smart enough not to fake it. So, if I couldn't fake it, then the only thing I could do was keep quiet. Oh, God. That was almost as worse as faking.

Just the way I was frozen staring at my work. "What could've happened to Blurr that made him so quiet", my colleagues must have been thinking. Just seconds ago, I was joking about how disorganized they were as teachers and visa versa. Now I'm quiet when this topic comes up? Each of them had some imput, some opinion about abortion, that was directly related to "experiences" that I was so "inexperienced" with. Oh, I felt my quietness. I was petrified of them asking me for my two-cents, and at the same time, like a little boy who realizes what boys and girls do for the first time, I was shocked that I was in the presence of people who have had that "experience" and were talking about it so openly. Talking as if it was something that everyone goes through.

"If you're a mature adult, you obviously have had the "experience", so it's okay for us to talk about it in front of ourselves."

So, I just listened along, trying as hard not to show my heart bouncing out of my sweater. I was hoping that the conversation would pass me by like the many conversations that I didn't have when I was college. Please pass me by without my input. I'm not going to pretend, but that doesn't mean I'm going to tell you I'm an "inexperienced" boy.

Luckily, somewhere in the conversation, I had gotten up and grabbed my jacket, in preparation to leave. Then the one guy colleague switches the conversation to marijuana. Now, that I can take. I don't have to be ashamed or apologize for not getting high. It's no big deal for me. Humans are not born to smoke weed. It's not encrypted in their genes. Procreation, however, is. Those 10 minutes of three people talking with the unusual silence from me was excruciating in my part. It has affected me so much that I had to make this entry in "Lips Like Asukal".

They definitely noticed my not talking during the conversation. Or, maybe it just passed them by. I think I'm more afraid, that if they didn't pick it up, another situation may arise where I may have to share my "inexperience". And, this could've been the perfect place to own up to my "inexperience". I'm still young, out of college, and I know I'm straight-laced. I need to be myself and let the chips fall where it may. But damn have they fallen back onto the same place where I was when I was in college. I'm so worried how I will be perceived in my peer's eyes. I felt like we could be friends, but something like this may put a damper on my human appearance.

I know it has changed, for the moment, my view of these three people. Sure, in the back of my head I may have knew that these folks are adults and should be experienced like "normal" people, but I am always naive. I still think there are "innocent" people out there. And I was developing a thing for one of the girls at the meeting. That was slowly happening in the past weeks of working together. But just hearing this conversation, and how all of them were experienced, has changed my view of them. I thought they could possibly accept me, but now I'm scared that if they ever find out, they might look at me differently. What little chance I may have had with this girl might have gone down the drain today.

Boy, did I walk out that school with my jacket feeling absolutely different. Because I am different. I need to accept that, and live with it. No. Be proud, happy, and content. I was happy in the presence of these people before this faux-revelation, so nothing should have change. They may not even know of my "inexperience", and even if they did, who cares. I'm not going to apologize for being who I am. If it affects any potential relationships negatively, then so be it.

I hope it doesn't. After all, I'm still human.